I will never be good enough for you

Lets face it.

I am good enough for a hook-up, but not a relationship. I hate you! I despise you!
You used me. At least that's how I feel.
How could you? How could you just go and be with someone else who you barely even know. A girl that remotely caught your attention, but that was never me. I am shocked, upset, annoyed, angry, etc. etc.

I can't believe you! That is the only thing I find myself saying.

What the fuck! Why do I even care? I shouldn't because you treated me like shit.
You were the last guy I actually had butterflies and fucking emotions for. Like those "falling for you" emotions! I am so jealous of her and I shouldn't be because you are a piece of shit. I always stuck up for your ass to my friends that disliked you, I would sneak out saying I was elsewhere just to be with you, I would make snacks, watch movies, do all that little couple shit for you.

I put too much effort into our meaningless relationship. It wasn't even a relationship. A friendship if you will. Well fuck you.

I am done of feeling pointless and like a huge joke to you. You still text for a random hookup and I hope your present girlfriend finds out how much of an asshole you are.

I meant nothing to you and everything you said was a complete lie. You were never serious about me when you told Anthony you were going to ask me out.

The only thing I am thankful for now is that I have no choice, but to get over you.

Once and for all.

Relationship History de Mi

There is so much on my mind that I would be more than glad to write about on here because once again on Xanga everyone I don't want reading this would read it.

Like hugging it out? Well, let's blog it out in that case too.

Relationships. More specifically, my relationships. I thought being with Willson would be everything I'd ever want. He is nice, sweet, charming, funny, thoughtful, texts when he says he will, calls when he says he will, he comes home sometimes, and most of all he has been a very close friend of mine for over four years. I thought I would love this relationship and I don't. :/

I find myself not even appreciating it as much as I should. In other words, I am just simply not feelin' it. I think this might be because we took it from being pretty much best friends to being more than that. Taking things to the next level after being close for years just in general scares me. Commitment scares me to be honest. It didn't until I met Caleb. After Caleb and I that is when my relationship with the opposite sex went downhill completely.

I am a terrible girl, I don't even miss him and he is in Irvine. Will be there for a month and I don't mind that I can not see him for a month or two. If I was whole-heartedly in this relationship then I would want to see him every second I could, but I don't. It scares me how I don't really feel anymore for guys. After Caleb and Trey, I just got teased into things so much that I wondered if anything they ever felt or said was genuine. I genuinely liked them. I know Caleb genuinely loved me at one point in his life, but now I think he is in love with another girl. It still breaks my heart to this day, but I really have no place to say because I had tons of boyfriends and relationships after him while he waited around for me. I am cruel. It is disgusting and I am disgusted with myself at the fact that I will break up with Willson. I can not keep going on in this relationship if I do not have the true feelings he is looking for. I would want to know if I were him in the relationship.

Why can't I have a successful long-term relationship? I just feel like it is hopeless. I know I am young, but I am just thinking of the future. I want what I used to have a year ago. Trust, commitment, love, laughter, honesty, etc. etc. I want him and by him I mean the person I am meant to be with whether I already know him or don't.

I will wait. For now I think I need to remain single until I am for sure ready to settle into a long-term relationship. One worth waiting for that is.

I am just stuck on what to do about Willson now. Fuck. I am horrible...