It's a Non-Binge Choice

I have decided to take on a much healthier approach in achieving my weight goal.

Eating less, but still eating correctly and enough.

Not a diet exactly because well, lets be honest, those don't work the way we want them to. I have been to the gym four times this week and I think I am going to make that a normal routine. Being that it is now Spring break I have no excuses to not go to the gym and work out some excess stress.

I just wanted to see Willson before he went back to Irvine, but that isn't going to happen since his Spring break ended once mine started. Working out takes my mind off of that and makes me realize that this time won't go wrong. I actually like a "good" guy.

Going back to my main point, lately all I want to do is get rid of the 'booty'. Seriously I do not care what people say I am not keeping that on my body any longer, and if it does stay there then it will be in hardcore shape. I have like what, three months before Summer? Three months to fit in that bathing suit and three months to tone everything if not burn off excess fat. That is it. I feel like some days I am extremely skinny or disgustingly huge. Over exaggerating I know, but it is how I feel. My body seems to work against me some days. I mean I dance three times a week. It used to be four times, but UDC stopped after our show in February. Those UDC days were amazing for me because it was an all-day dance workout from 8am-4:30pm. A few breaks in between of course, but we had to maintain a healthy diet or we would get kicked out of the company.

One time a girl came in with fried from Carl's Jr. Worst mistake of her dancing career I am guessing because she was crying for hours after. Janys (Company director) had made her eat the fries, then do a grip of jumping jacks and crunches. She learned her lesson then. I will never bring one piece of food with grease into the studio rehearsal room as long as I live. Especially if I am social chair officer. She would eat me up within excersizes upon excersizes.

What's funny is that people think dancers are just automatically in shape, like Beyonce, Wade Robson, Justin Timberlake. Well fuck that assumption. I know more dancers in the company with cellulite than I do without. That word, 'cellulite,' oh gosh I just want to make it dissappear not just for me, but for every girl in the entire world. How much more self-conscious do we need to be? It is terrible.

I will work it out until it is gone. Competition season is finally here so maybe my fat ass will be gone. Maybe conforming to ballet would just be better, they are fucking twigs. :]

It would go against my rules though. I am a jazz, contemporary, tap, and hip-hop. Everything, BUT ballet. It was just so boringgggg to me, but their leg workouts keep their girls fit.

fml.